Aug 17 / John

Hey A-Hole, Move Your F-ing Bag

Or, that’s what I should have said.

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Jun 26 / John

Long Island Golf Reservation Links

After searching for quite a while on different golf courses to play on Long Island, I kept running into the same problem – trying to find golf courses that offer online reservations.  There are plenty that do, but finding the actual link or area of the site dedicated to the online reservation system was a pain in the ass.

So, I decided to post a few of the courses that offer an online tool for booking tee times and a direct link to the reservation page:

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Jun 13 / John

Bagel with a schmear of whale

For a number of years my daily morning routine includes stopping at a deli near my office in Manhattan for coffee and a bagel. The deli is a typical short-order city eatery where they offer every type of food, with numerous counters, salad station, and hot buffet. Pretty good deli by all standards. Plus, they have fantastic coffee and that’s why I go – I refuse to drink the burnt, bitter, awful-tasting Starbucks coffee because of all the reasons mentioned and because I’m still convinced that humanity has had the hat pulled over the eyes and simply go to Starbucks because of over-hype and elitist pop-culture propaganda pushed and exploited by Starbucks. It’s just not good coffee, period. And it’s ridiculously overpriced – it’s stained water! It shouldn’t cost that much!

Anyway, while I was waiting for my bagel to be toasted (that’s what she said), I noticed a confusing sign on the wall near the counter:

As you’ll notice the sign indicates that they have lox available. If you’re a customer that is not familiar with lox, then the sign has a qualifier, “(salmon)”, which would help IF they didn’t show a picture of a whale diving into the water. I can only imagine a confused non-English-speaking tourist wondering if the establishment serves whale.

Nothing like a little bagel with cream cheese and whale meat.

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Feb 10 / John

There is something surprisingly satisfying about…

1. Whistling in an empty, commercial bathroom.

2. Writing with a pen on the outside of a styrofoam cup

3. Using really new scissors to cut paper

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Jan 27 / John

Will We Live Up to Back to the Future, Part II?

One of my favorite movie series of all time is the Back to the Future trilogy. Pretty revolutionary ideas and cinematic achievement for the 80s and thankfully, the movies were left as a sacred trilogy, instead of destroying it with half-assed follow-ups 20 years later like with Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and pretty much anything George Lucas touches (note to George Lucas – I’m honored you’re reading my little blog, you suck, and stay away from the Back to the Future franchise)

With the onset of the 2nd decade in the 21st century, I can’t help but reflect on the second installment of Back to the Future, which sent Marty McFly, Doc Brown, and other characters off to the year 2015 in order to prevent Marty’s future child from getting thrown in jail, and also take an extravagant cinematic swag at predicting the future and touting mid-to-late-80s special effects.

Specifically, I can’t help but look at the level of technological advancement that was dreamed up by the writers/directors/producers/lunch staff of Back to the Future 2 and wonder if we as a society will meet those expectations in just 5 years. Yes, believe it or not, the world portrayed in the movie is just 5 years away, and so far I haven’t seen anything remotely close to futuristic flying cars, highways in the sky, robotic waiters, over-inflated prices (i.e. a can of Pepsi for $100), and of course, hover boards.

Based on where we are today technologically, I’m sad to say that we are not going to meet the expectations set by this movie. That’s not to say we haven’t made amazing advancements since the movie debuted in 1989 – proliferation of personal computers and cell phones, the Internet boom, amazing graphical capabilities, mobile media revolution – but for the most part our advancements are predominantly in the virtual world.

Within tangible, everyday life, sure we’ve got very advanced ovens, refrigerators, and washing machines and cars have unbelievable features for comfort and entertainment, but they sure as hell don’t fly! It’s depressing that the future template created by our 1988 counterparts envisioned us all driving flying cars, talking on video phones exclusively, eating absurdly micro-dehydrated foods, opening doors with finger scans and we’re all still stuck driving with tires, talking on voice-only phones, eating absurdly fatty and largely unhealthy foods, and opening doors with knobs. Knobs! What are we kidding? Knobs…..

I really think this should be a large part of President Obama’s State of the Union address tonight to help inspire innovation, challenge America to set the bar high, stop using door knobs, and live up to the expectations set in 1989 by Back to the Future, Part 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsgIzU51Mr0

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Jan 14 / John

Trying on clothing when needing to urinate

Don’t go to a clothing store where you anticipate trying on pants if you have to mildly go to the bathroom. As soon as you take your pants off your body gets all confused and you suddenly change from thinking you’ll need to go in an hour, to looking for a drain in the changing room.

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Jan 8 / John

Bill Smitrovich

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Jan 8 / John

James Rebhorn

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Jan 8 / John

Clancy Brown

Prison Guard in “Shawshank Redemption”; Prison Guard in “The Hurricane”; Drill Sgt. in “Starship Troopers”

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Jan 8 / John

Robert Loggia

Corrupt Union Leader in “Armed and Dangerous”; A bad guy in “Scarface”; Coach in “Necessary Roughness”; General in “Independence Day”

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