Cup of John » Random Thoughts

Hey A-Hole, Move Your F-ing Bag

John — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 00:11:23 +0000

Or, that’s what I should have said.

Long Island Golf Reservation Links

John — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 12:28:41 +0000

After searching for quite a while on different golf courses to play on Long Island, I kept running into the same problem – trying to find golf courses that offer online reservations. There are plenty that do, but finding the actual link or area of the site dedicated to the online reservation system was a pain in the ass.

So, I decided to post a few of the courses that offer an online tool for booking tee times and a direct link to the reservation page:

Rock Hill Golf & Country Club (Manorville) - http://www.rockhillgolf.com/
- Click Book Tee Time Button on front page
Middle Island Country Club (Middle Island) – http://www.middleislandcc.com/online-tee-times
- This one requires you to setup an account to book a tee time
Long Island National Golf Course (Riverhead) – http://longislandnational2.ezlinks.com/
- Uses a 3rd-party site for booking the times
Swan Lake Golf Club (Manorville) – http://www.teeitup.com/golf/course.wpl?C=900618
- Uses a 3rd-party site for booking the times
Great Rock Golf Club (Wading River) – Tee Time Reservation System
- Uses a 3rd-party site with a really huge URL address
Cherry Creek (Riverhead) – http://cherrycreeklinks.ezlinks.com/
- Uses a 3rd-party site for booking the times

Bagel with a schmear of whale

John — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:21:58 +0000

For a number of years my daily morning routine includes stopping at a deli near my office in Manhattan for coffee and a bagel. The deli is a typical short-order city eatery where they offer every type of food, with numerous counters, salad station, and hot buffet. Pretty good deli by all standards. Plus, they have fantastic coffee and that’s why I go – I refuse to drink the burnt, bitter, awful-tasting Starbucks coffee because of all the reasons mentioned and because I’m still convinced that humanity has had the hat pulled over the eyes and simply go to Starbucks because of over-hype and elitist pop-culture propaganda pushed and exploited by Starbucks. It’s just not good coffee, period. And it’s ridiculously overpriced – it’s stained water! It shouldn’t cost that much!

Anyway, while I was waiting for my bagel to be toasted (that’s what she said), I noticed a confusing sign on the wall near the counter:

As you’ll notice the sign indicates that they have lox available. If you’re a customer that is not familiar with lox, then the sign has a qualifier, “(salmon)”, which would help IF they didn’t show a picture of a whale diving into the water. I can only imagine a confused non-English-speaking tourist wondering if the establishment serves whale.

Nothing like a little bagel with cream cheese and whale meat.

There is something surprisingly satisfying about…

John — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:18:10 +0000

1. Whistling in an empty, commercial bathroom.

2. Writing with a pen on the outside of a styrofoam cup

3. Using really new scissors to cut paper

Will We Live Up to Back to the Future, Part II?

John — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 02:06:20 +0000

One of my favorite movie series of all time is the Back to the Future trilogy. Pretty revolutionary ideas and cinematic achievement for the 80s and thankfully, the movies were left as a sacred trilogy, instead of destroying it with half-assed follow-ups 20 years later like with Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and pretty much anything George Lucas touches (note to George Lucas – I’m honored you’re reading my little blog, you suck, and stay away from the Back to the Future franchise)

With the onset of the 2nd decade in the 21st century, I can’t help but reflect on the second installment of Back to the Future, which sent Marty McFly, Doc Brown, and other characters off to the year 2015 in order to prevent Marty’s future child from getting thrown in jail, and also take an extravagant cinematic swag at predicting the future and touting mid-to-late-80s special effects.

Specifically, I can’t help but look at the level of technological advancement that was dreamed up by the writers/directors/producers/lunch staff of Back to the Future 2 and wonder if we as a society will meet those expectations in just 5 years. Yes, believe it or not, the world portrayed in the movie is just 5 years away, and so far I haven’t seen anything remotely close to futuristic flying cars, highways in the sky, robotic waiters, over-inflated prices (i.e. a can of Pepsi for $100), and of course, hover boards.

Based on where we are today technologically, I’m sad to say that we are not going to meet the expectations set by this movie. That’s not to say we haven’t made amazing advancements since the movie debuted in 1989 – proliferation of personal computers and cell phones, the Internet boom, amazing graphical capabilities, mobile media revolution – but for the most part our advancements are predominantly in the virtual world.

Within tangible, everyday life, sure we’ve got very advanced ovens, refrigerators, and washing machines and cars have unbelievable features for comfort and entertainment, but they sure as hell don’t fly! It’s depressing that the future template created by our 1988 counterparts envisioned us all driving flying cars, talking on video phones exclusively, eating absurdly micro-dehydrated foods, opening doors with finger scans and we’re all still stuck driving with tires, talking on voice-only phones, eating absurdly fatty and largely unhealthy foods, and opening doors with knobs. Knobs! What are we kidding? Knobs…..

I really think this should be a large part of President Obama’s State of the Union address tonight to help inspire innovation, challenge America to set the bar high, stop using door knobs, and live up to the expectations set in 1989 by Back to the Future, Part 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsgIzU51Mr0

The 2nd Person

John — Tue, 20 Jan 2004 20:38:19 +0000

If, while talking to myself in the mirror, I refer to myself in the 3rd person, am I in fact only refering to myself in the 2nd person?

Verizon Wireless Guy

John — Sat, 19 Apr 2003 20:37:34 +0000

I really can’t stand that “Can you hear me now?” guy. What was Verizon thinking? What made them think that a stout trekky with thick framed glasses and a nasally voice walking around saying the same catch phrase (which isn’t even catchy) would sell more phone plans? He’s really just a human Energizer Bunny. I would buy a Verizon phone only if during one of the commercials this guy is standing in the middle of a deserted highway to check if some loser on the other side of phone can hear him and then suddenly a huge 18-wheeler Mack truck just plows right into him. Then one of two things happens – either the camera cuts to the truck driver who cleverly says, “Can you hear this?” and he proceeds to pull the chain for the bullhorn; or the commerical gets turned into an episode of Law & Order where Lenny Brisco and whoever his sidekick is at the time, find the Verizon guy. Then just as the coroner is taking him away Lenny slyly says, “Well, no one will be hearing him now.” Then cue the gavel sound. I love that gavel sound. Ideally I would like to live the rest of my life with a recording of that gavel sound that I could carry around with me and back up something I say with the gavel sound. It would be great when making fun of my brother. “Hey Pat, you’re an idiot!” Duh Duh (gavel sound). That would be awesome.

Papal Exclamation Point

John — Fri, 07 Feb 2003 20:36:31 +0000

In a recent New York Times article about a Vatican envoy sent to Iraq in order to prevent war, the Pope was quoted as saying “No to war!” Now c’mon. An exclamation point? We’re talking about the pope here. The pope doesn’t yell. Maybe sometimes he has an elevated mumble, but never his is voice at a decibel level that would deem the use of an exclamation point in a quotation. (For those of you out there saying, “How do you know he doesn’t yell, what are you married to him?”, I remind you that if it wasn’t for a number of Catholic priests gambling and fooling around, then Martin Luther would have never had inspiration for the Reformation and none of those other little religions would exist. You should be kissing our feet and rolling the die. So I am not married to the pope you jackass.) Even when the pope tries to yell at his doq to sit, the pontiff himself needs to rest in a chair and catch his breath and recover from his attempted exclamation. (Note to God: This is not blasphemy – I’m merely making fun of his age not his faith. Of course, you are old as well but I’ve always pictured you as a Jack Lalane type, you know, in his 80s but fit like an ox.)

I’m upset with the Times for adding such a quotational emphasis to the holy leader of one religion and unfairly elevating his voice level above those of theological leaders in other faiths. It’s just one of the many anti-Semitic messages hidden throughout the Times everyday.

Social Pleasantries

John — Mon, 27 Jan 2003 20:35:35 +0000

Recently I noted that I have become completely oblivious to normal social pleasantries associated with greetings. Here are some sample exchanges:

1. Person: “How are you?”
John: “Nothing”

2. Person: “What’s up?”
John: “Good”

3. Person: “How’s it going?”
John: “Either watermellon or cantelope will be fine, thanks.”

I don’t think the person ever notices, but I realize my social ineptitude as soon as it occurs.

One time someone kindly asked, “How are you?” and I replied, “How are you? Good.” Now my mention of “Good” was directed toward his initial question, but I preceded that response with my own salutation for him. So he might think that I said “Good” in reponse to my own question posed to him, and hence I would be assuming that he was in good spirits, when in fact he could have been down on his luck or even a candidate for a kidney transplant. All I know is that ever since this incident I’ve been watching my back and now when someone greets me I pretend I’m either foreign, deaf, or foreign and deaf because we all know that the only person ruder than a Frenchman is a deaf Frenchman.

Individual Carton of Tropicana Orange Juice

John — Sun, 15 Sep 2002 20:34:43 +0000

Every morning I buy a small, individual carton of Tropicana orange juice and every morning I forget to shake it before popping my straw in the perforated straw-hole on the side of the carton. Although I’ve always regarded the juice carton straw hole as one of the preeminent breakthroughs of the 20th century, I’ve found it’s one defect. Once the hole has been penetrated and the perforation is completely broken, the carton is rendered “unshakable.” At the moment one pushes the straw clean through the hole there is no turning back, no do-over, no second chance.

I’ve contemplated placing my finger over the hole and attempting a shake, but it would be just that – an attempt and a poor one at that, not nearly satisfying the “Shake Well” requirement any veteran orange juice drinker has spent years perfecting and taken for granted. The second drawback of this contingency plan is the imminent threat of spillage that would result from a one-fingered shake. Without the convenience of a shower or large barrel while I’m at work, I would never dream of attempting such a task.

Much like I fear rejection from a girl, I find myself neurotic in anticipating when I will next encounter my morning orange juice and drink an uneven mixture of bottom-dwelling orange pulp and watered down concentrate. Despite my attempts at remembering to shake first, every episode concludes with my consumption of an unmixed and sour morning juice.

I can’t continue like this, it’s time that my little carton and I go our separate ways. I know, there are plenty of juices in the sea, but I just wish there could have been a resolution.

It’s at times like these that I wish I had a time machine.