Cup of John » Useless Advice for Useless People

Trying on clothing when needing to urinate

John — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 17:26:06 +0000

Don’t go to a clothing store where you anticipate trying on pants if you have to mildly go to the bathroom. As soon as you take your pants off your body gets all confused and you suddenly change from thinking you’ll need to go in an hour, to looking for a drain in the changing room.

Gym Quality

John — Sat, 14 Sep 2002 17:23:27 +0000

If you are at a gym and all of the other members are overweight, out of shape, and ugly, chances are you are not at a very good gym.

Understanding Women

John — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 17:22:08 +0000

Trying to understand women is a lot like trying to ponder infinity. At first you think you can tackle the task and you embark with the false impression that tracing infinity until it ends is a possibility. Even while you are adding the first sets of zeros to a continually growing number or trying to envision where space ends and what’s after that, you think that you will come up with the answer and you can sleep. But about half way to one-billion or at around Jupiter you quickly become overloaded with a realm of human reasoning that is beyond any normal person. “But there has to be an end somewhere,” you say, but you are only fueling the helplessness of your very being. Trust me, only men like Stephen Hawking, possibly the smartest man alive, who is in a wheelchair and has to talk through one of those Speak-and-Spell machines can fully grasp the idea of infinity. I bet trying to understand “the female” is the reason for his current paraplegic state. What’s the answer? Every time you begin trying to figure out women, start contemplating the end of the universe, or how the world will continue when you die. If you can eventually grasp these latter issues, then women will be easy. Well, they won’t be “easy”, but they will be “”easy”" (I know what you are saying – “What the hell does two quotation marks mean?” Just another thing to think about).

Crossing One-way Streets

John — Sat, 24 Nov 2001 17:19:42 +0000

Next time you cross a one-way street, look both ways just in case some lunatic is driving down the wrong way looking to run over people who only look one way when they cross a one-way street.