Cup Of John - Things I Hate

So this section started as a Random Thought about some scattered things I hate. Those were carried over and make up the first few "Things I Hate". Now, the important thing here is that I'm from New York, which indicates that I pretty much hate everyone and everything. This proved to be a problem when I went to school in Chicago and encountered a bizarre breed of people who come from a state called Minnesota. Now until I learned more about the Midwest I regarded Minnesota as a forgotten state lost somewhere up by Mount Rushmore and the Northwest Territory. This presumption was later confirmed upon a visit to the "Land of A Thousand Lakes." The people are much like Canadians - slow, often blind to sarcasm (and therefore confused), overly gullible, and just too freakin' nice. Not to mention the damn accents: "I'll go up to my rum now and dif I hear anyding else on da ruff, den I'll letchya know. Okie dokie?" So what am I getting at here? Minnesotans tend not to hate anything, and I just find that unhealthy and a little disturbing. I don't hate Minnesota or Minnesotans, I hate that they don't hate anything. Most of them don't even honk their car horns! That's just wrong.

Things I Hate:

When you forget to wear your watch and you keep looking at your wrist all day to see what time it is. (11/24/01)
After you wear a hat all day and you take it off, it still feels like it's on.(11/24/01)
People who think they know everything about stuff and turn out to actually know it all and you can't do anything about it.
Unsharpened pencils
Those wrappers around the individual Twizzlers you buy in the big jug at Price Club.
Sharp cuticles- you go to rub your eye and you get a flesh wound.
Felt.
Those damn sensor toilets. I want to flush. It's fun, it's reassuring, and it makes me feel like a man.
Seven Seas Red Wine Vinegar salad dressing that looks just like Seven Seas Red Wine Vinegar and Oil and you buy the Vinegar expecting the vinegar and oil. Damn them.
When you take a piece of paper, place it on a rug or carpet, step on it, and then proceed to move your foot. The sound produced as a result of the friction between the rug and paper feels like someone is stabbing me with knives. But then again, can you really feel sound? (9/2002)
People who confuse the backslash (\) with the regualar slash (/). If I hear someone say "h-t-t-p, colon, backslash, backslash..." again I will throw a brick at their face. (9/2002)
Guys who use words like "disheartening" when describing things like cooperation in fantasy baseball league. (3/8/2003)
People living in New York who are committed to a yuppy lifestyle regardless of how broke they will be at the end of the month and who only drink beer from non-brown bottles. (3/14/2003)
College Career Fairs. More specifically, those guys who attend career fairs with their black suits, dark blue shirts, power ties, non-pleated paints, black shoes with a big buckle on the top, and one of those leather folders with gold tips holding nothing except their exaggerated resumes and maybe a hard copy of their prepared speech about how they've been reading the Wall Street Journal since age six and how their parents read them bed time stories about junk bonds, stories which they pracitce to themselves as they wait online to kiss the ass of a uninterested representative from some bank. (3/15/2003)
Static electrical shocks received while closing the door of a recently parked car. (3/15/2003)
People who continually say "hello?" if someone hangs up on them. Usually it's just a freakin' dial tone, yet they still need to test if someone is actually there. I can understand why they hung up. (4/19/2003)
Nasal congestion and people who either don't know how to clear their nasal canals or feel it necessary to violently sniffle and make disgusting nasal cavity noises. (1/20/2004)
Guys who get up extra early in the morning, take a shower and then proceed to put gel in their hair to make their heads look like they just woke up and got out of bed. (1/20/2004)
Guys who talk on their cell phone while using the urnial. If only the people on the other end of the line knew. (2/16/2004)
Up-escalators that are out of service. (2/7/2004)
Airline passengers who have carry-on luggage that they continually pull down the aisle only to have the luggage (which is too big for the aisle) get stuck in every row of seats. For some reason they think that the next row is going to be the one that is of a different size and they will coast through to their seat. (4/25/2004)
Young 30-something parents who think they are all-knowing and matter-a-factly say to soon-to-be parents, "You have no idea; your life is totally going to change." (3/21/2005)
Coffee cup lids that after you tear open the spout, do not lock into the middle of the lid. Even worse - when that little piece of the lid locks into the middle of the lid initially, but then jimmies out of the lock just when you are about to sip of the boiling coffee or tea. Because of this, I always where sunglasses when drinking coffee at work. (3/21/2005)