Eastern Standard Time

Eastern Standard Time is by far the best time region in the US. If there were to be a fight between states that lived in the Eastern Standard Time Zone and the other three wack-job time zones, Central, Mountain, and Pacific, Eastern would win. All the TV shows always say, “7 Eastern, 6 Central” (Eastern first)- you know why, because Central sucks. Yeah, that’s right, I live in Central most of the year, and I hate every minute of it. You people thinking you’re so high and mighty because you can watch late night talk shows an hour earlier. Well guess what – you’re ugly. Yes all of you – ugly. What would Karl Marx say? He would probably agree – you’re all ugly. Then we got Mountain time zone – like anyone who lives in the mountains watches TV, all they do is churn butter all day and then eat the butter and then die of lead poisoning because instead of using the proper churning-stick they use a giant novelty pencil which they bought on a family trip in a Pacific time zone state no doubt. Finally we have the Pacific coast people, which consist of mostly hookers who try to get other hookers to sleep with them for money. It’s a continuous cycle of money being transferred after sex. Hmmm.