Gap Commercials

What is up with those fucking Gap commercials that are driving me insane!!!! No, I don’t want these fucking people to, “Dress me up in their love.” No, I don’t give a fuck about “Safron” or if they call you “Mellow Yellow.” Commercials like these are a disgrace to good commercials and the people who pioneered them like Fred (“Time to Make the Donuts”) and the Maytag Repairman. I know you would never get Fred or the Maytag man dressed up in gray corduroys, singing songs that have nothing to do about anything, and make the viewer confused.

But, it would be funny seeing Fred sing, “I can dress you up in my love,” or if the Maytag man was singing, “They call me Mellow Yellow.” I guess if you’re a fat anything you do is funny. Here’s a list of my favorite “robust” television personalities:

• Norm on Cheers
• Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
• Reginald Vel Johnson (Carl Winslow)
• Andy Rictor (Late Night with Conan Obrien)
• Newman

Those guys are funny and plump, everything desired in a television comedian and a Thanksgiving turkey. Of course, I don’t know how you could tell if a turkey is funny, but science will get there someday, and when it does, Thanksgiving will be bigger than Flag Day.