Male Restrooms 101

Ok, attention all guys . new rule: when you shower in a locker room at a sports club/facility, bring the towel with you. I am tired of seeing 65-year-old men who leave the shower and have to walk to the other side of the locker room to get their towel. It.s rather disturbing. Plus there are these guys who stop at the hand-dryers and dry themselves that way. What the hell is wrong with these people? I think it starts when you.re younger. There are some of you out there who like to horse around in the locker rooms, play a little grab-ass, and crack a wet towel at a few guys. Well stop that! You.re scaring me!

While we.re on the subject of bathroom etiquette, a comment on your conduct at urinals. When you are at a urinal doing your work, your line of site is restricted to a 3 cm square area on the wall in front of you or down looking at your buddy. At no time are your eyes permitted to wander from these two regions. When you first enter the bathroom and a urinal is being used, always choose the urinal furthest away from the one being used. There is an understood one-urinal spacing rule for all bathroom patrons. If this is not possible seek the use of a stall or pretend like your reason for going to the restroom was to wash your hands. Wash your hands until he leaves, and then take his spot. If the spot is taken while you are drying your hands, leave the bathroom, hide in an area where you can see the door. Once the second bathroom patron leaves, run for the urinal. If there is another person there for some reason, just piss in the sink.just kidding. That would be sick. Just try to maintain the one-urinal gap.

Now for those large troughs at sports stadiums. My advice: if you can, hold it in. There is nothing more revolting than these bathtub style toilets. I don.t know what these bathroom planners were thinking. What.s ironic is that a place like Wrigley field, which has the urine-tub, was built during a time when men were .gentlemen. and wore suits and nice hats to the ballpark, only to retire to the restroom and piss into a giant bathtub, shoulder to shoulder with another .gentleman.. Thank God for the sixties.

Basically, going to the bathroom should be a private, individual process that should not require interactions with other humans. Because there are public bathrooms, try to avoid all common social interactions once you enter the male restroom. Furthermore, the greatest public bathroom in the world is Chicago.s O.Hare international airport. If you have to go to the bathroom in public, hold it in, and fly to Chicago. It.ll be worth the exploding organs and the extensive surgery. They have automatic, plastic seat covers!!!