Penny Loafers

I like penny-loafers, but I think there should be an update made. Pennies don’t buy anything anymore. There should at least be a quarter-loafer. Europe could even get the Euro-loafer. Nike could make the little slit on the loafer look like their “swoosh” and make millions, not to mention add a little variety to the worklife of a poor Vietnamese laborer who has spent his life working only on the ever popular Nike Curling Shoe. The quarter-loafer would be the most ingenious corporate move since Joe Enron had lunch with Bill Arthur and Bob Andersen. And no need to worry about 401K because presumably all of the Nike employees have Nike Quarter Loafers, which contains 50 cents per pair. I mean I could retire on 50 cents and live miserably. Couldn’t you?Ok I confess that my hope for these loafers is a little darker than this. You see there is this homeless woman who sits on Michigan Avenue in Chicago and just yells at the top of her lungs “Can I get some change?” whenever people pass by and on Michigan Avenue people pass by all day. I’ve encountered this woman numerous times. One time I gave her change. The next I offered her food and she didn’t accept the Bennigans chicken fingers and fries I had just spent $15 on and ate half (I always eat half). Now I might be missing something, but if I were homeless I would accept food instead of some change. It really pissed me off. Therefore, I would like to buy my Nike Quarter Loafers, go to Chicago, stroll down Michigan Ave., wait for the woman to ask for change, and then just take my shoes off and throw them at her. I mean really throw them hard at her. I’ve always wanted to leisurely throw my shoes at someone and she would get her change a new pair of Nike Quarter Loafers. This way we both get what we want…somehow…I think.