Snapple

What is Snapple made from? Their slogan reads “Made from the best stuff on Earth.” What is the best stuff on earth? I think “the best stuff on earth” is relative and depends on the person. Me, for example, I would choose the following things and put them in a snapple:

• Milanos
• diced garlic (if you can find it in the supermarket)
• some of my hair (or what’s left of it)
• blistex
• dried apricots
• the first chapter from “To Kill a Mockingbird”

I think if you could chop/shred/puree all of this stuff together and put it into a drink, it would be the most disgusting thing to ever take liquid form. Therefore, I think that the Snapple company should get sued for this false advertising, because clearly, according to me, they are not making their drinks out of the best stuff on earth. Bastards.