Social Pleasantries

Recently I noted that I have become completely oblivious to normal social pleasantries associated with greetings. Here are some sample exchanges:

1. Person: “How are you?”
John: “Nothing”

2. Person: “What’s up?”
John: “Good”

3. Person: “How’s it going?”
John: “Either watermellon or cantelope will be fine, thanks.”

I don’t think the person ever notices, but I realize my social ineptitude as soon as it occurs.

One time someone kindly asked, “How are you?” and I replied, “How are you? Good.” Now my mention of “Good” was directed toward his initial question, but I preceded that response with my own salutation for him. So he might think that I said “Good” in reponse to my own question posed to him, and hence I would be assuming that he was in good spirits, when in fact he could have been down on his luck or even a candidate for a kidney transplant. All I know is that ever since this incident I’ve been watching my back and now when someone greets me I pretend I’m either foreign, deaf, or foreign and deaf because we all know that the only person ruder than a Frenchman is a deaf Frenchman.